


out in the black

by sharkfish



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Established Relationship, Light Angst, Non-Binary Castiel (Supernatural), Non-binary character, Other, Outer Space, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 09:36:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19270594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharkfish/pseuds/sharkfish
Summary: Dean misses everything about Cas that he can’t get over video — the way they smell, the warmth of their hands, the quiet, reverent way they kiss — but sometimes he worries about how quickly the memories started to fade. Maybe Cas doesn’t remember what it feels like when they’re together at all.





	out in the black

**Author's Note:**

> took some liberties with an anon prompt: _ace couple dean and cas: dean is an astronaut that’s been in space for a year (or a few). him and cas have obv kept in contact but still miss each other A LOT. deans counting down the days until he returns home._
> 
> *not to JKR this, but - they are ace, despite it not being mentioned in the text.
> 
> thanks to [casbean](https://casbean.tumblr.com/)

“Ok, we have like five minutes before Charlie gets here, so let me tell you now how fuckin’ gorgeous you look.” 

Cas rolls their eyes and laughs and blushes, all of which was Dean’s intention. He misses them so much it aches, like stone growing inside his rib cage, but is determined not to show it, especially with how tired Cas looks today. 

“Thank you, Dean,” Cas says. “You look well yourself.” 

When Charlie comes back in, she waves at Cas over the feed and says, “325 days until we’re home!” 

 

At 200 days out, Dean’s heart grinds to a halt to see a woman in Cas’s room when he calls.  _ Meg,  _ Cas says, and no matter how often Dean reminds himself that they don’t even  _ like  _ women, he worries. Meg is gorgeous, and Dean is aus away. Certainly Cas misses touch the same way Dean does, the way that makes him hug a pillow at night. 

Dean misses everything about Cas that he can’t get over video — the way they smell, the warmth of their hands, the quiet, reverent way they kiss — but sometimes he worries about how quickly the memories started to fade. Maybe Cas doesn’t remember what it feels like when they’re together at all. 

 

At 176 days out, Dean and Cas are in their respective beds, separated by a solar system, tablets held close to see each other, to whisper and pretend it’s pillow talk. 

Cas goes quiet, and Dean is about to tell them they should try to get some sleep — they’re not always great at taking care of themselves — when a tear falls down their cheek. 

“Cas?” Dean says. “Are you ok? What’s going on?” 

Cas gives him a watery smile. “I miss you. But — what if it’s different when you get back?” 

Dean’s heart speeds up a little and he sits up, the image of him swinging wildly on Cas’s end. “What do you mean, different?” 

“I’m just here at the station while you’re out in the universe seeing things, learning things. I know you said you wouldn’t go out again, but that’s horrible, Dean. Charlie said you were offered the option to join the next expedition but —” 

“But I said no,” Dean says, firmly. “It’s more important to be with you.” 

“I’m not more important than your  _ dreams.  _ I’m not more important than expanding the horizons of human knowledge.” 

“I love you,” Dean says, “but you’re an idiot if you think being out in the fucking black is better than being home with you.” 

Cas laughs, though it’s still a little strained. “I love you too.” 

“176 days ain’t nothin’. And then it’s just you and me and your weird meatplants.” 

“Speaking of, you look thin,” Cas says, pinning Dean with a suspicious squint. 

“We’re down to shitty MREs for a bit,” Dean says. “Something happened with some of the grow lamps and — I don’t know, Ash screwed the pooch. Hence my chiseled physique.” 

“Eat more, even if they’re shitty.” 

“Yes, mom,” Dean says, flashing Cas a cheeky smile. “Go to bed. I love you.” 

 

It’s around 100 days out that Dean starts counting the hours. Looks at the clock way too often, keeps a running tally in his head. 2,329 hours. 2,325 hours. 2,300 hours. 

 

1,869 hours, and Dean can tell Cas is forcing their smiles when they talk. Dean tries not to make Charlie a middleman, but still asks if something seems up with Cas. Charlie just shrugs and says they seem stressed, but what else is new. 

 

1,740 hours, and Dean’s the passive-aggressive asshole that says, “How’s Meg? Haven’t heard about her for awhile.” 

Cas frowns. “I thought I told you, her and her spouse went planetside for awhile.”

“Oh,” Dean says, feeling small and like a moron. Even moreso for being  _ glad  _ that Cas lost this connection, because what kind of fucking asshole wants their partner to be alone while Dean gallavants around space with their best friend. 

“72 days until we see each other again.” 

“1,740 hours.” 

“Well, assuming the terminal is running on schedule, which it never is.” 

“Give or take a few hours.” 

Cas smiles, a real one. Dean smiles back. He checks the clock when they hang up. 1,738 hours. 

 

Under 1,000 hours, they stop talking about anything happening in their lives and instead just talk about them. Talk about how they should use some of their savings and put their boots on the ground. Cas wants to touch trees, and even though Dean laughs at them for ages after they say it, he knows what they mean. Cas has never experienced it, but Dean can almost remember what sunlight filtering through leaves overhead feels like. 

“I want to see  _ whales,”  _ Cas says. 

“I don’t know that I can guarantee you whales, but I’ll go to the ends of the Earth for you, sweetheart.” 

The other stuff, too.  _ I just want to kiss you. I just want to hold you. I just want to wake up with you and make you your stupid tea. I just want to hear you laugh from a meter away instead of uncountable kilometers. I want to memorize the lines of your palms.  _

And memories:  _ The first time we met. The first dinner you made for me. The first time we shared a bottle of wine and danced like dorks in the living room. Our first shitty apartment on the space station.  _

Dean can’t wait until  _ that time I went away for years because I thought I owed it to my dead dad to be a hero  _ is a long-past memory, too. 

 

Dean spends most of the hours leading up to their landing in the cockpit with Benny. He watches the spinning wheel of the station grow until he can’t see anything else. Seeing home after years away has him buzzing in his skin, suddenly claustrophobic in a ship whose size he’s never had a problem with before. 

The terminals are running behind, and Dean starts pacing. He’s ready to put on a suit and fucking swim to the station, fight his way into one of the airlocks, when they finally get the signal to come in for landing. 

“Thank christ,” Dean says, and Benny grunts an agreement. 

Benny is a leaf on the wind and the landing is smooth. Dean’s kind of a dick because he’s not the only one who has someone waiting, but he rushes out of the ship and through the airlock first. 

Cas is waiting, looking  _ ethereal  _ in a flowy navy dress and smudged eyeliner. They look like some kind of space goddess, and Dean leaps full-bodied into their arms, making them stumble backwards to take his weight. 

“Hello, Dean,” Cas says, like this were any other day. 

It makes Dean laugh and he says, “Hey, Cas.” 

Cas touches his face. The line of his jaw, the sharp cut of his cheekbones. “God, I missed you.” 

“I missed you more,” Dean says. He kisses them before they can argue, longer than might be appropriate in public. “You didn’t replace me, right?” 

“Since we talked yesterday, I’ve taken many lovers.” 

Dean snorts. “That would be a first. Take me home, Casanova.” 

 

Four hours after landing, after a good shower and a good meal and a good glass of scotch, Dean and Cas lay in their bed, facing each other. Real pillow talk, whispers in the mostly-dark. 

“You said we shouldn’t discuss a union until you get back,” Cas says. “I know you meant until after we had some time together again, but —” 

“Yes,” Dean says. “We can fill out the paperwork tomorrow.” And then, because Cas actually looks kind of surprised: “Whale watching would be a good honeymoon, don’t you think?” 

Dean has seen a lot of things, both in the blue and out in the black, but nothing will ever match the blooming sunrise of Cas’s smile. 

**Author's Note:**

> [reallyelegantsharkfish](http://reallyelegantsharkfish.tumblr.com) on tumblr
> 
> i'm bad at answering comments but every single one is so precious to me and keeps me going on the rough days! <3 thank you for being here!


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